of chairs and other things that you shouldn't do
by HopeTheCrazyCat
Summary: Prompt: Basically, it's something along the lines of Morty using Chair Rick for masturbation (being really shameless) and Chair Rick naturally being bothered by it but not being able to do much since he's just an arm chair.


AN: After RainbowPreCum (on AO3) has written my prompt, I finally felt hit with the inspiration to try and have a take at it, too. Which I oddly enough didn't have in the first place or I wouldn't have asked someone else to write it XD  
Again, many thanks to RainbowPreCum for giving my prompt a shot. You should check her work out. It's still better than this one.

Warning: One armchair was violated in the making of this fanfiction. However, no Mortys were harmed this time.

Prompt:  
Basically, it's something along the lines of Morty using Chair Rick for masturbation (being really shameless) and Chair Rick naturally being bothered by it but not being able to do much since he's just an arm chair.

* * *

 **of chairs and other things that you shouldn't do**

Morty couldn't believe it!  
Though it wasn't the first time that it had happened and it wasn't even a rare occurrence, he was still pissed off beyond believe. He had been left behind in another dimension!

And like it often was the case, it wasn't even his fault to begin with.  
Rick had just portaled out and left Morty behind.

Knowing his grandfather, he had probably gone to some alien bar to get shitfaced drunk again. Afterwards, he would barely be able to make it home and sleep off his intoxication.  
And only after waking up and when his mom or dad would be asking about him or he would need Morty and were unable to find him, he would suddenly remember that he left his grandson here and come to pick him up again.  
…which was going to take a while.

On top of it, the dimension that he was left behind in was none other than the chair dimension.  
Here, the chairs were the humans while humans were merely chairs.

That's also why the furniture looked at him from afar in shock and horror as he walked normally through the streets. Okay, so it probably wasn't the worst dimension to be abandoned at – Buttworld had been certainly worse – it still sucked.

He kept wandering around, hoping that he might find some place to stay at while he waited for his irresponsible grandfather to come back. Preferably, somewhere that had a roof and a warm bed but he wasn't sure if he wasn't asking for too much in a dimension like this.

Suddenly Morty halted in his steps. Not because he found what he had been looking for, but because he saw something else that felt quite familiar to him.  
It was actually one of the chair people that made him stop. Better said it was a blue armchair that looked old, beaten up, dirty and rather worn out.  
Normally that wouldn't have been enough to pick Morty's interest, but it was the creatures face that drew a feeling of recognition to him.

With the blue-grey stuffing sticking out on top of the backrest in three directions and a prominent unibrow as well as a frown and certain wrinkles, he was convinced that this chair was no stranger to him.

"R-Rick!" he dared to call after the furniture that was about to walk across the street.

The armchair turned around to face the human boy and his frown visibly deepened.

After a short while the chair replied, "Morty?! What the fuck did you do? Did you touch the pink vile in the garage? I told you not to touch it, didn't I?"

Morty immediately held up his hands in a defensive motion.  
If a Rick was an occupant in this dimension, he shouldn't be too surprised that there was also a chair version of him around.

"N-no, Rick! I'm not your Morty. I'm from a different dimension and my Rick has left me here." He explained.

"Oh, okay." Was the only reply.

After that, the rickish furniture faced the street again and finally crossed.  
Morty felt put out from the lack of sympathy that he got from the alternate version of his grandfather.

"Uh, um, hey! Wait!" the boy dashed after him over the street, barely avoiding a car that looked like a soda can.

He had hoped that this guy was his ticket home – or at least his ticket to a warm and dry place where he could wait up until his own Rick finally decided to appear.

The armchair didn't stop "Walking" (let's just call that weird wobbly movement walking for now), but Morty still managed to catch up with him anyways.

"I uh, I was thinking that maybe you could send me back home?" he brought up as he walked alongside the living furniture.

"Nope." The Rick didn't even look at him as he simply shot the request down.

"What? Why?" the boy continued to prod. "Is your portal gun broken or something?"

"That's none of your business."

"Then why can't you just send me back home?"

"'Cause that's none of my business. And now get lost."

"Wh-what? No!" the human stayed insistent and wasn't about to back down.

Not without an explanation at the very least anyways.  
So, Morty ended up following Chair Rick all the way back to his home, constantly nagging him while the other acted as if he wasn't there.

"Listen, you're really annoying!" the furniture finally turned around to him.

"And you're a real asshole!" Morty countered.

The other sighed. "Okay, I don't actually have a portal gun. You happy now?"

Morty looked skeptically. If he didn't have one then why didn't he just say so in the beginning?

As if being able to read the boy's thoughts, Rick elaborated. "I'm one of those Ricks who didn't make it. I-I-I just couldn't figure out how to make it work. Is that what you wanted to hear?! Did your Rick set you up to this so you could make fun of me again?!"

Okay, now that wasn't what Morty had expected. He honestly felt a little bad now because this Rick had been apparently teased and bullied by his alternate selves for not being able to invent portal gun technology.  
Still, it was no reason to act like that even though he should be used to that sort of rickish behavior – armchair or not.

"Okay, I get it. Can I stay here at least until my Rick comes picking me up?"

"No way, kiddo."

"Why not?" Used to or not, Morty was getting aggravated with this shitty piece of furniture.

"Don't feel like going through the trouble to explain to my family why we have a talking and walking human inside the house. Beth had already flipped out last time when we brought a cheese cracker dog home. So just beat it already!"

With those last words, the armchair wobbled into his garage, leaving the human boy standing on the street.  
Being already in a sour mood thanks to his own Rick's neglect, Morty wasn't about to just stand for this. Not caring that he was the rude one now, the boy stalked after the furniture into the garage.

"The hell! Do I really have to activate the killer robots to get rid of you?" Chair Rick was reaching his very short limit of patience.

"All that I'm asking for is—" the human began the discussion once more as he was suddenly interrupted by another voice.

"Rick? Are you back already?" The door that led inside the house opened and a dark-blue armchair with a yellow pillow on the seat wobbled inside.

The voice alone had been obvious enough for Morty to know that this was his alternate version of this universe, but if he would have been still in doubt then the features that were oddly enough on the piss-colored cushion would have made it more than clear for him.

"Um, hi." He greeted and awkwardly lifted a hand to the newcomer.

"Whoa! A talking human!" the small furniture shouted in shock. "I-i-is this the new experiment that you had been working on, Rick?"

"No. This is another Morty from a different dimension." Rick replied nonchalantly.

"Oh. Okay." The Armchair Morty instantly calmed down again.

Morty took this opportunity to reason with his alternate self because if there was someone who could convince a Rick, it was the Rick's very own Morty. "Hey, my Rick has left me stranded in this dimension and I was wondering if I could stay here for the time being?"

"I already told you. Forget it!" Rick threw in.

"Oh c'mon, Rick. I'm sure it's fine if he stays inside the garage." Armchair Morty wobbled closer towards his grandfather as he tried to coax him into helping his alternate version. "I'm also sure that he'll listen and won't enter the house unlike the cheese cracker dog and I also won't tell Mom about this."

Chair Rick looked at the piss-yellow pillow for a while before he sighed and gave in. "Fine, but no one can find out that he's here."

Morty was elated. "Oh thank you. I promise I'll stay inside the garage and will be quiet."

"You better be. And to make sure that no one sees you when they come in, you should sit behind those crates." The Rick pointed with his armrest as good as it was possible for a sofa to a stack of crates on the side.

"I don't think that's necessary, Rick." The smaller furniture replied to the ridiculous idea. "No one comes into the garage anyways and even if they do, they knock and ask first."

Rick raised one side of his eyebrow skeptically, indicating that Armchair Morty had just wandered in without doing any of those things.  
His grandson made a motion that equaled a shrug.

"What? You told me that I don't have to knock and can come in here whenever."

Eventually the pointless discussion was ended and the human Morty was allowed to stay inside the garage without having to hide the entire time.  
Chair Rick decided that if he already had to stay for free, he might as well help him out with his work, which was a real blessing for the scientist because there was a big difference in the range of movement between a furniture and a hairless ape.

So, the scientist and his two helpers tinkered away till late into the night. It wasn't until it was well past midnight and the dark-blue furniture was barely able to hold his eyes open any longer that he excused himself and went to bed.  
The human boy was quite tired himself after this exhausting day and decided to also lay down now. He went over to the makeshift bed that his alternate self had kindly set up for him. It was a bit weird because it was mostly made out of humans but it would have to do.

When the two furniture were gone for dinner, Armchair Morty had been nice enough to sneak him some food so he wouldn't have to go to bed all hungry now. Unfortunately, the little guy didn't know that humans couldn't eat meaty phoneballs with cheese and phonesticks. Morty still cherished the gesture though.

Though, while his empty stomach didn't even bother him that much, Morty still found himself unable to get some sleep.  
Maybe it was because of the surface that was harder than what he was used to sleep on or maybe it were the sounds of Chair Rick who was still busy with his project at the workbench. Or, maybe it were the bright fluorescent lights that hung on the ceiling that kept him from getting some shuteye.

Whatever it was, Morty began to toss and turn around on the couch and was getting cranky.  
At times like this, there was only one thing that would help him with falling asleep. It was a nightly ritual that he performed perhaps more often than he cared to think about. He needed to masturbate.

Of course, in the given circumstances – and especially at the current location – it wasn't the best idea to do, but if Morty got frustrated his level of shame would began to drop drastically and his mind would be set on "screw all of this and fuck everyone" and he would just do as he pleased. If he would have ever stopped and thought about it for a moment, he might have probably come to the conclusion that this trait was stemming without a doubt from his grandfather.

Without any regards, he shimmied out of his boxer shorts – he already took of his pants and t-shirt before laying down – and proceeded to beat his meat.  
However, it somehow wasn't enough. Without his laptop and his preferred porn-sites or the magazines that he hid under his bed when he wasn't busy looking at them, it just wasn't the same.

Trying to fantasize about something sexy also didn't work well because the irregular tinkling sounds of tools in the background always broke his concentration and brought him back to the here and now.  
In his frustration, his movements began to get more aggressive and he bit his lower lip almost hard enough to draw blood, but it barely helped his current condition. If anything, it made only sure that the rustling underneath the cover was louder than before.

However, in his hurry to get off, he bumped with his length against the wall – the blanket that was still draped over him, between his heated erection and the cold hard surface – and a gasp escape him from the sudden sensation. Experimentally, he pushed more against the substantial structure and moved rhythmically against it, soft moans escaping him at the new feeling as his erection was squeezed between something solid and his own body.  
These noises and the sounds of rustling apparently became well heard enough that Chair Rick began to notice.

"Dammit, Morty! Whatever the heck you're doing over there, do it silently!" the furniture reprimanded. "Just go to sleep already!"

It seemed that Rick's words were the last straw. Morty's level of dissatisfaction reached its final limit and without an ounce of shame, he stood up from the human-shaped couch, standing in all his bared glory in front of the inhuman scientist.

Rick had turned over to face the human as he heard him get up from the makeshift bed and instantly regretted it. "Will you put some clothes on? I don't wanna see that…whatever that is."

The clear lack of knowledge on human anatomy made Morty actually smug now. So, this Rick didn't even know what an erection or masturbation was?  
Then maybe he should just demonstrate it to him while also letting off some steam.

Brazenly he took his erection into his hand again and began to pump himself, his eyes never leaving the eyes of the alternative version of his grandfather.  
The grey-blue unibrow drew down in the middle as the armchair continued to watch the boy.

"Morty, I have no idea what you're doing but I get the impression that it's an obscene gesture."

The tone in which Chair Rick spoke clearly completed the sentence that the boy should stop doing that right now.  
However, stopping wasn't on Morty's mind. If anything, the other's realization only excited him and he grinned.

"Seriously, Morty. I mean it. Cut that out." Rick reprimanded him.

Again, the boy disregarded what he had been told. However, even if this was better now, it still wasn't enough for Morty.  
Suddenly he remembered the brief moment when he had been humping the wall and also how it had felt. A wicked idea started to form inside his head as he kept looking down at the furniture in front of him.

Chair Rick slowly tried to back away as the human boy advanced on him with a hungry look in his eyes. Whatever the boy was planning, he was sure that he wouldn't like it one bit.  
However, with his stumpy little chair legs he naturally had no chance against the human who practically pounced on him.

"H-HEY! GET OFF!" the light-blue armchair complained.

Morty didn't even thought about getting up again. The old and worn cushions were surprisingly comfy – not as soft as it surely must have been in this Rick's younger years but also not too hard for Morty to feel unwell from it.  
Trying to find a good angle at which he could rub against the other, he swung one of his legs over the armrest so that he was straddling it. He began to moan loudly as his heated flesh was wedged between the white cloth that was part of this Rick's body and his own stomach.

Of course, Chair Rick wasn't okay with this and tried to get the human off again.  
Unfortunately, being an armchair came with limited movement and he fought a losing battle. If anything, the wiggling of his armrest only made things worse.

The movements aided Morty in riding the helpless furniture, the added stimulation causing the volume of his moans and groans to rise.  
The white and blue fabric was getting soaked in the boy's precum while Chair Rick continued to complain about the mess without being able to do anything about it.

While the sensations were better than anything that Morty had felt ever before, it still wasn't enough to get him off yet. Looking the other's body over, he wondered what he could do to help him reach his orgasm until he finally had the perfect idea.  
He abandoned his position on the armrest and moved completely down from Rick.

The furniture sighed a breath of relieve, thinking that it was over. "Finally! I thought you would never g—"

He abruptly halted in his speech as his seat cushion was lifted the tiniest bit and Morty shoved his raging boner inside the gap.

"Get that—take that thing out of me!" Rick complained, but just like the previous times his words hit on deaf ears.

Morty was kneeling now and began to hump into the space between the seat and the seat cushion, the height just perfect for him to do this. It was tight and the fabric felt a little rough on the soft skin of his hard-on and the sensation was absolutely amazing!

Of course, Rick tried again to get the boy off, but Morty was clinging onto him with an iron grip as he steadily reached closer to his climax. And again his wobbly movements only furthered the human's pleasure.  
The discomfort was written all over Chair Rick's face as he was violated by the human boy.

It only took a few more thrusts and some desperate mewls before Morty finally finished. His sticky cum shooting inside the gap that he had fucked into and completely soiling the armchair, which may never truly be clean again.  
Sweaty and exhausted, Morty collapse into the seat and still clung weakly to the armrests.

As he was still panting and Chair Rick was at a loss for words, a green portal suddenly opened and a human Rick stepped out of it.

"Dammit, Morty. Do I have to put a leash on you now or something? Can't even let you be on your own for a few hours without you ending up doing something stupid." He slurred still quite drunk as he took in the sight that presented itself to him.

Morty mumbled something indecipherable in response, which was muffled by the seat cushion in which his face was still buried.  
His Rick went over to him and picked him up with one arm while dragging the naked boy back towards the swirling vortex, not caring about the discarded clothes.

"S-sorry about that." He waved around with his free hand as he slurred the half-assed apology towards his counterpart.

" _S-sorry_?! A simple sorry doesn't cut it!" Chair Rick argued back. "Do you even know what he did to me? You really need to control your Morty better!"

"Trust me, I want that, too, but do you seriously think this little shithead ever listens to me?" The Rick briefly looked down at his grandson and burped loudly. "Wo-won't happen again."

With those halfhearted words, he finally left while the violated furniture Rick could only grumble and wonder how he was going to clean up the mess that the human boy had caused on and inside him.

* * *

AN: Please don't do this at home, kids. Always treat your furniture with love and care.


End file.
